Culture War

It occurs to me that we humans get a hard-on for war. Even an innocent pacifist japanese school girl is likely to get wet panties at the thought of a big, manly soldier crushing the skull of some defenseless child. None the less we love our war. Even if it's a war on a concept; anyone familiar with the War on Drugs? I ramble though; the point of all my fury this issue is another favorite war that's frequently brought up (at least it was in 2006). The infamous CULTURE WAR that supposedly is fought between social liberals and social conservatives. Both sides bring it up and tend to insinuate that the otherside is the aggressor ("HE STARTED IT!"), especially on cess pools of political talk like the O'Reilly Factor (*gag*) or political corners with CNN.

What is the Culture War though? Well my personal of intelligent superhuman scientists and researchers (wikipedia) claim that it's generally a metaphor used to refer to an idea of conflicting morality. We see at their ultimate dichotomies; one side has your average hippie as your foot-soldier. Hating meat-eaters, sucking Marx's cock, and commiting lewd acts with a ficus. On the other side of the great value dichotomy we have our bible thumping, money grubbing, suit wearing, christians as the backbone. Spitting on gays, lynching blacks, and of course fearing that someone out there is happy.

These are the two dominant sides, and generally speaking in this war if you want to win you have to pick one. If you don't you're gonna lose. Don't say you'll be an exception with your dynamic set of ethics because you won't be. You'll be a hack trying to emulate the literary archetype of a Mary Sue and likely getting sodomized by a biscuit for it.

Generally on the defensive would be the traditional values (*gag* values and morals leave bad tastes in my mouth) which is in fact widely satirized and on the losing end as we speak. On the opposing side would be progressive values (*gasp* god damn!) which although frowned upon during the Bush administration, has now become quite dominant. As the hippies and christians fight in the trenches we have our heavy units, the tanks, the bombers. We call them pundits. If regular hippies and christians are culture warriors, these fuckers are culture Juggernaughts. Their word against a million. Freedom of the press tends to be reserved for people who have a press.

Two sets of conflicting values... where does this seem familiar? Just about every bad teenage movie has a rebellious teen in it with restrictive assholish parents. This isn't just a new phenomenon either; this has been happening since before you were born. Most americans trace the culture war back to the 60s where hippies and nixonites got into a scuffle. While that might be true about our own modern culture war, it's something that happened before then with those fuckers who bend over for FDR's giant (government) cock and the scary businessmen of America. It's something that happened before then with the Flappers and the Old Traditional maids and wives. It has happened before then too! I assure you once you stop educating your child (or rather beating them into submission with a belt) they'll get their own ideas.

Imagine in the civil war for example that you were a plantation owner, with your good old fashioned racist family values. You see your son or daughter teaching Nigger Joe how to read a book. Now this would enrage you. You try to be a good father and beat the shit out of them everytime they say something about those negros being human (those filthy hussies). But they're influenced by all the culture coming from the North. It's the -cool- (or rad, or tight, or far out, etc) thing. Now once your done flaying the flesh off that nigger's back, you take that very same whip, and clean it off so your son doesn't get negro germs or herpes, and whip him too (how hot is that?). This "Culture War" has been continuing for supposedly 40 or 50 years but it's been changing ever so much. And we keep swaying back and forth between liberal and conservative like daisies in a breeze. But we'll all wither from it like daises in a breeze from a horse's ass.

Right now we swung back to liberal after having a heavy swing towards the conservative side. And we'll swing right back. Nothing will be 'fixed'. The new boss is the same as the old boss. But hopefully, to quote the Who, "We won't get fooled again!" (We will.)

Yours in every respect, especially sexually,
Diogenes of Utopia

No niggers, hippies, or christians were harmed inthe making of this blog.

Public Education

Yes my fellow man, you are special, just like everyone else in the motherfucking world.

Public education, college, equal opportunity, angry white folk who think they're fighting on behalf of black folk, university sports and oat bran; yep this blog has it all folks! For this particular post I speak about a subject near and dear; as it's damn close to the beginning of motherfucking school.

Well let's begin with what the schools instill into you from a young age. You're a bright eyed young child walking into his first day of class, perhaps a little shy of all the kids who're picking their noses and blowing spit bubbles, but you see toys and books and just think "Fun!". Then the teacher comes in, Miss Dickbreath, you stare at her ugly mole which looks back at you with an eye of it's own. The fatass, ugly nazi woman opens her mouth. The neckfat under her chin wobbles as she begins to speak "Children! You're in preschool. From here on you'll get good grades. Why? Because you're all special! Each and every one of you! And you'll excell academically and go to college! Sounds like an honor right?" you begin to soar high in the clouds of imagination, wondering what you could do with a diploma. You could be a lawyer, the president, a doctor, or even perhaps a great blogger like that Diogenes guy!

"Sounds like an honor right?" then... flash of lightning, Diogenes kicks down the door and looks to all the children to tell them the truth, the evil cackling man begins to speak the truth to the poor unsuspecting little denizens of playskoolland. "Wrong! You're all going to get about D+ to B- for the rest of your life. Then after that fucking unnecessary shithole you call elementary school you got another shithole! Middle school! Is that the end? NO! Then there's high school... finally you've reached the end. You can become a doctor right? Guess again you fatasses; you -have- to go to college. Why? Because you need a Master's Degree to Flip pancakes at the Ihop, or a PhD to be a Cashier at a liquor store. You're all gonna end up living in misery and monotony, why? Because you're -not- special. You're all little bags of drool and puke who'll end up being the cannon fodder for the American military!"

Ah yes... all the little kids are special aren't they? Each and every one of them can be Superhero Presidents who can see through (pretty) people's clothing with X-ray vision!

Forgive the angry prologue, but you forget where you are apparently. One of the stupidest mistakes the education system makes is to say "UR SPESHUL" and "U GO 2 COLLEGE". Yeah, College is no longer a prestigious school for great minds and thinkers to advance their academic possibilities. It's a place where stupid teenagers and socialists (same thing) go to binge drink and yell their opinions while doing panty raids.

My crack research team (wikipedia) makes the claim that less than 10% of total college students actually graduate and more than 50% of students in many of the great cities and universities drop out. They drop out? Yeah, some people are just not fit for college. Some of those people are intelligent, like Thomas Edison, Mark Twain, Albert Einstein... and some of those people are idiots (bumble fucking idiots.

Yeah, the hilarious thing is that now to make any kind of real living you either need a college degree or the ability to live with zero freetime... or be one of those celebrity jackasses but they're cheating. Most colleges are accepting less and less white men too (minorities are the new, hip thing).

Women who bitch about not being men, mexicans, blacks, asians, yeah they're all getting into college no matter how stupid (or in the case of asians, incredibly fucking brilliant). A young, starry eyed and accomplished white male with a will to help the world and an honest day's work will get squat. It's a numbers game.

The number? Six hundred and sixty five (screw 666).

Yeah, don't think I'm mobilizing you to vote or do anything stupid like that. I'm simply feeding your cynicism rather than trying to get you angry enough to press a dot on a piece of paper that means absolutely nothing you fat, fucking panzy (democracy is dumbocracy! Hahah... what, nothing? That was gold!)

The best thing to do? Bitch at a politician. Call them up, send them a letter, or beat them over the fucking head with an axe pick... oy... fucking hippies. Screw it just blame the fucking hippies.

Health Care Reform

Is it me or is that a little arousing?

Hot button issues galore, right? One of the issues that gets people the angriest now is the Medical Reform that Americans are facing. One side wants to monopolize the medical establishment and the other is yelling about Obama being a Nazi Communist Borg (Star Trek fans rejoice) who eats babies and beats the money out of random rich people so they can't spend it on mazdas and charity. It's hard to get a damn sexy opinion like mine out there. After all I'm always right. Why? Because I just said I am. (If you didn't see that coming go drink what you find under the sink.)

Basically the proponents want to socialize medicine, they want to tax the rich because they're rich, and get all hippie-ish and give "free" health care to all. The opponents are largely red faced blowhards who, though I think have a legitimate reason to be angry, are just so fat that it's hilarious. This is the one issue which seems to electrify political apathetics, and could just fuck up our elected officials (I can only hope).

Basically since the beginning of the Bush Administration, the Rightist Biblethumpers have been in political power, so a more corporatist system was coming out of the wood works. The leftist Hippies were pushed into a corner and growled, thinking "My time will come!!" and Lo unto truth they were correct. America became disillusioned with the right wing ideologies because Bush wasn't a politician (I say he could have stayed in office if he just picked up a Machiavelli book).

Basically Bush got a bunch of stupid kids to like Obama because he's young and hip. I mean he's black, so he's gotta be hip, it's the rule, otherwise he's homosexual and blacks hate homosexuals. And now with the nutjob Che Gueverra Democrats in office rather than the nutjob Jerry Falwell Republicans, the tables have turned. Now Americans are becoming disillusioned with left wing ideologies. They'll either swing back to right, look for something in between, or do something -really- stupid (like vote in the Green Party).

Enough about the history of that stupid shit; let's talk medicine. Advocates of the Free Market claim the quick development of new drugs and treatments, and that cancer patients in the United States for many forms of cancer, including those of the breast, thyroid, and lung, have higher survival rates than their counterparts in publicly-funded(PINKO COMMIE) health systems in Europe. As opposed to Health Care in Europe, it appears that American Health Care is less tolerant of waste and more Meritocratic. That's right, the doctors gotta work to earn their keep.

Am I siding with the bible thumping, gay bashing, negro lynching, family dicking conservatives? You bet your ass I am. I may hate them for plenty of things but I'm on fucking board with these pastors who jack off in the bible. ("Oh! Genesis 19:38!! Fucking hot! Incest!! Ohhh!!")

...that was fucked up. (Sorry Boss.)

Anyways, so apparently there have been various riots against the Health Care reform bill which Obama insists angrily must go through. Democrats claim that the angry, pissed off rioters are all paid by either Rush Limbaugh or the GOPs or something. For some reason they can't fathom anyone having a different opinion. (Hilarious little Hippies aren't they?) Power ain't so sweet is it you fucking dirt-eating, gay loving hippies?

Obama sent out various politicians to deliver and spread his Gospel on health care, kinda like Jesus did with those ugly jew communists who followed him from place to place. And that's where the real anger boils over, I gotta admit I admire these folks for being able to get up there and yell at the washingtonians. I mean I sure as hell couldn't do that, I'm a lazy fuck, that's why.

If I may use a common counter-economics arguement. Maybe we should pass Health care, it'll open up a Black Market and then I can get my health care tax free. Hear that leftwing fucks? Yeah, free healthcare my ass, you suck it out the anus of rich folk, some of whom earn it (and admittedly some who do not). I say the only fair tax would be to tax pop-stars and rich spoiled heiresses. (Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton largely.)

You want fair tax? That's fair tax. Then the poor keep all their money, the rich do too, and Maria Shriver stops giving Obama a blowjob while the Terminator delivers another one of his speeches in that oh so loveable accent.

My point is: Go fuck yourself Obama, and let me keep my motherfucking money. If you want it so bad, you pay for it, pinko.

(Let it be known I am not associated with the GOP, Rush Limbaugh, the Reptilians, the Illuminati, the Legion of Doom, or Rush Limbaugh. I am saying this of my own accord as an angry-as-fuck son of a bitch who is by no means a conservative. Go fuck yourself. And tape it please.)

Abortion

How many of these women actually has to worry about getting tapped?

Get your coat hangers kiddies! I'm bored and I have time to kill so you know what? Let's talk about Abortion. It's a topic that generates a lot of heat. There are bombings, murders, riots and... well other stuff and shit about it. It's a hot button issue and like all my subjects I intend to have an informed opinion. All honesty I could care less, let the babies fall out of the womb and eat a gun for all I care. So long as it doesn't effect me. Now that's a little half-assed an easy right? Well if I had to choose a side I'd pick Pro-Abortion (if you say Pro-Choice instead I'll kick your ass). Surprise to all, I'm siding with those unbearable hippie fucks.

Why am I pro-abortion? Well let's look back to the history of baby killing shall we? In Ancient Greece there are apparently various proto-medical treatments for an unwanted pregnancy. There were herbal bathes, horseback riding, heavy lifting and exercise, and... okay maybe some poisonous herbs. Soranus, who was a second century Greek Physician, wrote a treatise known as (you guessed it) Gynacology. In it he advised against using sharp implements in an abortion due to the risk of organ perforation. (AKA: It'll make a fucking hole in your uteris, stupid woman!)

Abortions like everything else (murder, running stop lights, drugs, and prostitution) continued to flourish even under government hold. From the medieval era to the Victorian era there were widespread usage of abortion, but in a disguised manner. I guess they weren't proud of the fact that they were fucking like rabbits in a sexually repressed society of people with their dicks up their noses. (That means you Queen Vic-fucking-toria, you Dyke.) In Nazi Germany abortions were allowed for those who were deemed genetically inferior or ill. Ah! Nazis were pro-choice! That makes it evil right?! AGH!!! No. They specifically forbade the abortions of women from German stock. (Sorry Hilda)

Frankly if abortion is made illegal, that just means they're going to abort in the streets where it's unsafe and the very child every pro-lifer claims to be fighting for is just going to get fucked (yep, he's dead). After all if it's legal it's done in an environment where at least if you disagree with it you're not killing people (and pregnant women, including the children YOU'RE FIGHTING TO SAVE). Fucking hypocritical bombers. My point is if it's made illegal the black market for it becomes wide open and you only lend more power to gangs and the underworld. In addition to more money, wealth, and power; you might as well remove your balls (ovaries for the femme readers) and hand them over to the mob too because it's too late to keep them in a nice clean, up to code hospital where a trained and knowledgable doctor can kill the fetus/embyro in a manner that doesn't hurt the fucking woman.

Am I saying I'm for abortion? No, I'm saying if I had to pick a side. Frankly if I were a woman and I got pregnant I'd start weight lifting and treadmill running and then allowing my gut to become a speed bag for boxers. (Although that sounds more sexy than it does... abortional.)

I can see the argument for pro-life too, but I don't think it holds up. It's meager emotion, I'm not discounting emotion too if that's all that keeps you from sticking an ice pick in your closest friend's head I'm simply saying you shouldn't stop people from terminating some snotty little parasite in their womb that they don't want to dress up and set up playdates for the other little parasites. Maybe your baby and a tape worm can play tag in your backyard while you and your wife (and/or husband) tries to work with you to get a ring worm to complete your family.

In all retrospect as I said in the beginning, I'm indifferent about the subject so perhaps abortion isn't the best topic. It's a fad in asia where female babies are disposed of like used toilet paper, but hell, are we asians? No. Our eyes are round, don't get all Charlie Chan on my ass. (Oh, I'm so inviting more hatemail...)

A lot of anti-abortion (if you say pro-life I'll throttle you) activists choose to equate the imagery of pro-abortion to that of various dead fetuses or botched jobs. Frankly to me I don't see what this is supposed to do. Yes it's ugly, yes it's sickening, but fuck jobs aren't meant to be fucking pretty. If your appendix is going to explode the doctor has to cut you up to get the fucking thing out, he could always just let you die because he's squeemish about putting a fucking knife in you but, hell it's not a pretty job and he knew it. And sometimes mistakes happen... who the hell is taking pictures of these abortions anyway? What kind of sicko? Maybe the doctor takes them because he gets off on them, nothing hotter then pieces of an undeveloped fetus. Oh yeah... (The hatemail will pile on.)

Perhaps it would be fair to end this short little bitchfest with a quote, which I'll make work:

"Even if you are pro-choice, no one likes to see a dead fetus. "
-Vilma Valdez, Education Director Planned Parenthood of Greater Miami, The Miami Herald (October 24, 1992)

That being said, I hope I've given you something to fucking think about. As I said, I had time to kill and I was bored. This wasn't a scheduled thing or a planned thing. It's random and chaotic just like my goddamn head.


With warmest regards,
Diogenes of Utopia

Blogs and Self Reflection

Everybody has a blog now a days; from contemporary world leaders, to meaningless photo-op celebrities, to every fat-ass liberal or conservative. I figure why not join the bunch, see what all the fun is about, right? Well thus far I can assure you it's abysmal. I decided to name my blog "What the Outsider Sees" because I feel like an alien. I feel like an alien plucked out from a planet of whatever and just shit onto this planet in a massive maelstrom of diarrhea and global warming. Of course despite that theatrical entrance unto the set, it's just another birth right? Well my whole life I've largely been copying people. Not like Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus or some other white, blonde ass shaking itself into oblivion in the public eye. I mean to get by.

I see people act and react and I've copied these in my own actions and reactions. I don't get why sometimes but I do it. Most of the actions I've done in my life have in some way been on a movie or a television show. Does this mean my writing here and my spoken words are all copied? Sometimes, but most of those are good old classic original gold. I'm talking about inane social stupidity; like for example the whole please and thank you thing. My nanny was from England, so you can bet your ass I learned manners till it made my ass hurt. By mere reflex I hold the door open for ladies and gentlemen alike, I say please and thank you, and do all that stupid shit.

Frankly though, I'm not a man who gives a damn about manners when he thinks about it. When I get comfortable enough with someone I don't mind being my normal, dickish self. But enough about me, back to the subject of the infamous BLOG which of course had to be placed in all caps. Where the fuck does the word come from anyway? It sounds like one of those words that someone just spits out on accident while barfing in a drunken stupor "BLOOOOG!!". Well my research (aka: quick wikipedia search) shows Blog is a contraction of the word "Weblog". Makes sense, a little too much sense, I prefer to think some asshole just made it up while barfing.

But what is blogging? Why do people blog? Well frankly I don't know, some see it as a form of journalism, seeing it as a means of getting through "the filter" (aka what the public wants to hear) and projecting it all directly to the public. Others see it as a way of getting their opinions out there or letting other people know facts that support their opinions while trying to crap on facts that don't support their opinions. Me? I suppose for me it's the latter reason. I'm going to rape you with facts that support what is the truth (as I see it) and I'll beat the shit out of facts that don't support the truth (as I see it). I'll even beat them with a lead pipe for that old fashioned CLUE effect, we'll do it in the observatory as Mr. Potatohead.

But whether or not old Playskool toys become murderers due to contradiction isn't the point of my blog. I named my blog "What the Outsider Sees". No I'm not going to get all Emo and start going "I'm an outsider! Nobody understands me! I'm so dark and cool and cut me!" because that would be innately homosexual. And we all know homosexuals are just people too lazy to get someone of the opposite sex. (I'll get hatemail for that won't I?)

The reason I named my blog as I did is because I've always felt like an alien as I said before. I feel like I came onto this Earth and I just see things differently than some. For example you see the state as a Government, a way to keep order, something you control to control other people. I see it as a group, not too different from the mob, who extort differing percentages of money for useless attempts to control random things. They've got thugs (cops and military), they've got the don and the mob leaders (Obama and Congress and so on), and what else have you. And frankly they fail, even in keeping people in check, and whatever.

Another example; ideology. You see them as something to believe in, a cause and a spirit. A reason to do something great, to affect other people and be remembered as a benevolent crusader. Me? I see every ideology, cause and belief (god, equality, justice, liberty, faith, oat bran, morality) as different flavors of the same thing. All ideologies just appear to be illusions made by a grand master prestidigitator (that's a fancy word for magician) so that they may seem like selfless crusaders rather than different assholes working in their own self interest.

But these are all topics for another time, this is my blog, and I will post on it because it's my fucking blog. You know what else? I will be mean with it too! I'll post libel and call people things like...

PISS LIPS

or...

TITTY WINKLES

... if all else fails at least I have something to drink. Anyways; back to the subject of blogs, they're the new method to bitch out about shit you have no control over. Like the trucker radios from the seventies! Come on and join our convoy across the U.S.A!

That all being said, I hope you join me for the rest of my mindless rantings and ravings. I hope you call me an asshole and snap my suspenders. And I hope if you do all this that I'll be able to thoroughly bust a cap in your ass.


Much Love,
Diogenes of Utopia